Los primeros días en Chile - intensity

It's hard to convey how intense this experience is. I mean, others tried to explain it to me before and I didn't understand til now. Landing in this alien-looking place has been a real shock, and then I start to think about practicalities and wonder how I could go about life here: how I would know what to look for in the cramped cornerstores; which bus to catch where I want to go; and where you go to get a document scanned. People tell me things I need to know and, while I appreciate and need their help, it adds to the sea of new things. I'm living with a (wonderful, wonderful) family and when they tell me it's time for breakfast, I don't know if I need to wait for them or not, or how I'm supposed to eat the bread rolls and chile salsa waiting on the table. It's like the thought of drowning: every detail around me is strange and new. In truth a lot of things are the same, but so much is new the familiar goes unnoticed.

I can't begin to tell you how glad I am that I put so much work into Spanish last year. So, so glad. Still hard to explain how full-on it is to be surrounded only by Spanish though. There's no let-up. I want to ask whether it's okay to use skype, hang out with my host family, meet someone new, or buy something in a shop - it's all Spanish. Siempre Spanish. It's as if I were studying Spanish in Australia, doing a rough and ready seat-of-my-pants sort of job, and suddenly by some cruel joke, I'm transported to Chile before I'm prepared and expected to communicate with adults when my level is below that of a three year-old. I can't imagine how horrible the experience would be without any Spanish. At least I usually know what someone is saying when they speak to me and the general subject area when they are talking amongst themselves. And I can usually make myself understood by saying simple things, badly, with words missing.

But I have to say that God has absolutely been answering my supporters' prayers. Despite being so profoundly out of my depth, I haven't been afraid or lost confidence or embarrassed by my infantile Spanish. He's been giving me the strength and energy to get through each long day, and I find my worth and confidence in him. I humble myself and it's no problem to just do what I can - I'm not bothered by what people may think. And I trust that he will get me through the journey, that I only need to learn what I can each day and the rest will follow in good time. I'm very grateful to him for keeping me in this way.